Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2014

honestly

Watching intervention last night made me realize something and that was so me before the stroke. I used alcohol, pot, pills and sex to escape my depression about my dad and everything. I would like to think I wasn't as bad as the Intervention people but maybe I was. That is why I'm so thankful for my stroke, it truly saved me!

movie

Went to the movies tonight with my mom .The movie wasn't my cup of tea but she liked it and it was in3D .So it was a good 2 hour eye exercise for me .After the movies though some bratty teenagers would not stop staring and whispering about me so they almost got an "accidental" run into with my wheelchair

omg

I feel like crying I'm so frustrated with pain .For the past few days I have had horrible menstrual cramps .Im trying everything and they won't stop ...I feel like the little girl in Look Who's Talking Too when she gets the shot "Will the pain ever go away ?"

my dream dog

Thanksgiving

I like sharing this

Life list

1 walk, independently
2 talk clearly again
3 have or adopt children
4 get married
5 sell 1000s of books
6 produce a movie about my life
7 go to London
8 go to Disney world again
 9 be less of a control freak
10 develop an actual Law stating doctor's have to test your blood to see if you clot easy before starting birth control

past and present

When I saw my mom on Friday I got so emotional I was crying so much  because it was kind of like I was 15 again and reminded me of R ( my dad's dad). He was the last person i saw in ICU with tubes and stuff 

 But he did come in my dream that night and we hugged for like 10 minutes .It was so cool because I could actually wrap my arms around him and really feel him

yesterday

Well our prayers were answered and her surgery went great! Two of my friends took me .And we got there about 3.We met my aunt but then my brother ,our grandmother and his friend came .She got done right before we left but She told us to leave because her head hurt and traffic was going to be a bitch hahahahaha

suck it up

So I got some rough news yesterday .My Mom has to have surgery,brain surgery in a few weeks.After sobbing like a baby for an hour this weird calmness has come over me .Like "Buck up Jessica, be the big sister and daughter .Mom was brave for you so now be brave for her "My goal is to not cry in front of her about it .And it is working so far .They have to shave the back of her head so to keep us both smiling  I tell her she is going to have a reverse mullet hahahahaha

FYI

For the next time you enter a grocery store down south vs up north and you are driving a wheelchair / large cart. The aisles are much wider down south

control

Im so bored and anxious. My book is basically done and now it's really in the hands of my friend helping me and the people helping me collect money for the publisher so the control freak in me is flipping out! I feel like that scene in Corky Romano when he accidentally inhales cocaine and talks to the kids " question? Anyone have a question? You do? You don't? You do? You don't? "

30

Omg it's true! They say after 30 your stomach gets bigger. I am 3 months away and my stomach looks awful. Bring in the extra water and extra exercise, you're not getting me

hard work

I just walked in pt without something in front of me! Just the harness and my pt's on both sides! It was our first time trying it. They were laughing at me because they usually freeze me but I was huffing and puffing and sweating bullets

great quote

But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most, our one fellow and brother who most needed a friend yet had not a single one, the one sinner among us all who had the highest and clearest right to every Christian's daily and nightly prayers, for the plain and unassailable reason that his was the first and greatest need, he being among sinners the supremest?
- Mark Twain's Autobiography

done

Well my speech went great! Me, my roommate and our case manager went to the school. It was the staff and we both got standing ovations! They even asked questions after. And yes I was still nervous

frustrated

Do you ever feel like you are screaming and nobody hears you? I'm standing on a chair, waiving my arms and screaming " Hey! Over here! Listen to this! Help me with this! "

puzzle

Had an interview last night with some students doing a report on me and my stroke, done 2 of my speeches and more planned and starting college in January to do Psychology! I like understanding people and it will probably help with my speeches. Everything is linking together, this is really cool!

bubbly

Several months ago I took a personality test for college,to see my strengths. I got the results today,it read me like a book.It felt good someone praising my empathy and understanding!It said I should write a book lol

try again

Several people have asked me " How do you stay so strong? " My quick response would be my Faith, but my long and tangible answer would be how my parents raised us. You try something no matter what, because you might like it after. I remember vividly as a child crying hysterically standing in line with my parents for a roller coaster I thought was going to scary and it turned out to be great! I know every parent reading this is probably flabbergasted they made us cry trying something but it made me and my brother so independent and willing to try anything! Im almost 30 and I still live like that. Public speaking and sitting on the edge of the physical therapy mat and surfing and some other things scare the bejesus out of me but the feeling of accomplishment after makes it all worth it! Yeah I would definitely say my children and probably my brother's children will be raised like that. Try it no matter what because you might like it

adios

I have finally reached the point of my book to find a publisher.So me, my friend and family came up with the great idea to do raffle baskets to raise money. I decided that the easiest way for me to fund raise money would be to go around the building I live and sell tickets and use their bus to go out into the community to get donations for my basket . But (of course ) the place I live won't let me sell anymore and cancelled my donations trip."Duh Jessica nothing in your life now can be that easy .I mean seriously ,how many beepn obstacles can you give me ?"Their decision did deter me but the word CAN'T just revs up my engine to blow past you . So get ready for this chick to sell tons of tickets without you and still publish this book

shame

You really do lose it if you don't use it. I look at things now like "are you serious jessica you know this shit". The thought of this actually brings a tear to my eye because I'm extremely hard on myself and "dammit jessica you have to get it perfect ". But it's more than actual education knowledge it's little common sense things. It's like my life stopped at 19 and restarted when I moved to MCC. Not to say my aides and semester of college before coming here didn't teach me anything, because they did. But one time here someone said to me " we need to stick you outside with some sunscreen so you turn brown ". Granted I didn't really use much sunscreen before but "duh jessica". And another embarrassing moment came when someone here explained to me how learning music is linked to learning math."Duh jessica ". My life and body are no longer perfect please let my mind stay perfect

zoological

I really want to go to Tennessee for my birthday but I don't want to go and get the pity look from majority of the people there. "Poor pitiful Jessica, let's just stare at her ". And it's always people that knew me before the stroke. Why do you think I live in Delaware and don't associate with those people.

got more of my business cards and awaiting more shirts

My awesome book cover

@

I have some exciting news !My old PT teachs and wants me to video chat my story to her students .Then some more good news Two other people I know are figuring out if I can talk to their old class and organization !Im so excited and lucky to get to share my story and educate people about the dangers of birth control

lmao

hahahahaha

hot

Being outside by myself sunbathing is my thinking time .And I figured out something today .One thing about being in my situation .You got to be stubborn and it helps to be a smart ass

I can do this

To promote this blog and my bookI think it's best for me to start speaking at schools .I can totally do this but ever since my strstroke just being in front of big groups gives me ...anxiety

lucky7

Well they finally reached a tie with my all-time high of trying to get my blood! Most people do 2 to 3 times and decide "O this is painful I'm going to stop and let somebody else try " but not this lady, she did 7. All in my hands which is the most painful area and causes the most bruises. Thank you lady for ruining my hands for at least a week!

surfing went great

I got in a fight with the wall

#great

So if you read my blog you probably know I have a huge ridiculous fear of falling and sitting on the edge of things .And this fear of mine is hilarious to everyone especially my physical therapists.They always say "You go surfing and horseback riding and bungee jumping but put you on the pt mat table and you freak out and hyperventilate and jump "So today like other days I grudgingly got on the pt mat for them to time my sitting by myself balance .Last time I did 1 min 5 sec and today was ...3 min 25 sec !!

my fab shirts

quotable

My new favorite movie quote " Pray for me but above else pray for the cause " from The Patriot

My other favorite is from Jerry Maguire " Well boo _n hoo"

fml

I went to the gynecologist today and it's more tests.They want to know what's wrong with me before they decide how to treat it. I knew that this wouldn't be an easy fix. That's my life in a nutshell for ya,not an easy fix.But I'm glad they agree with me to be hesitantabout me taking hormones

surfer girl

I'm so excited!My yearly surfing event with Life Rolls Onis next month.Gotta start watching what I eat to be bathing suit ready andpracticing holding my breath in the pool because I fail off the board at least once

writing my name

frequent fainter

Ever since my stroke when I get really hot and dehydrated I faint.But I never really linked everything together until yesterday.I found out that dehydration stimulates my hypothalamus (the part of the brain that regulates temperature and mine was affected by my stroke ) and cause me to faint. So now I just drink extra water

Today in PT they wanted me to try something new!

more of my brother's visit

Don't we look just so adorable
 they were about to leave and I was crying so Logan whispered a joke in my ear
 mom,Blake and me
 my cute little brother is 23!
me and Blake with our Granny

my favorite shirts

love this

snow tubing yesterday!

my brother  Blake ,my mom and my brothers friend Logan and me
 me and my boys Blake and Logan .cold much ?
2hauling ass down the hill !

great thing ?!

my friend that is helping me with my book made us a deadline of 3 months .Part of me is peeing my pants with excitement and the other part is having a slight panic attack .Yes it is going to educate people about the dangers of birth control but it's also putting my life out on display .

This just plain sucks

It really sucks being like this in emergency situations.My grandmother had surgery to remove the cancer and everything.That was last week, then this morningmy mom text me that my grandmother was really sick and they were goingback to the hospital.And granted my mom has text me a few times today, it's not like I can call and be like"h what's going on? I'm on my way"

freedom

I forgot how freeing and liberating my independence was. Today I went downstairs and upstairs and all over the building completely by myself, all day! You probably take your independence for granted but it feels good to have some of mine back 2